Knock Knock !
Who's there?
Its Blue ....
Blue Who ??
The Post-partum blue....
Not again !!
Raising a child can involve a lot of do's and dont's... it involves a lot of myths and confusions in the minds of first-time moms. When I became a mom for the first time, some four years ago, my mind wasn't just confused but was also racing ! I was actually petrified with the overwhelming amount of time a baby's attention demands. I just couldn't adjust to the new phase of my life very quickly. As you could read in one of my early posts Post partum blues I was very much jaded with the entire thing of motherhood, in the early month of my child-birth.
With passing time and my sons growing at an amazing pace...right now, I find life less gloomier than when I actually experienced the post-partum blues. But that doesn't mean that life is all rosier !! The blues keep visiting me yet again and remind me of their existence.
Maybe, I should put the blame on the "Terrible Twos" stage, a name very apt for kids who turned two. Who would better know this than the mommies with toddlers at home ?? Kids at this age are at their crankiest best(or should i say, worst? ) Whatever it is, it's the moms who have to endure it. Am not too sure about the other toddlers, but these days, my younger son is a real prankster and makes sure he is heard too! His firm "NO" for almost everything just drives me crazy. All the endless hours of play and fun will be just melted with one tantrum, and I feel really helpless when tears are rolling down his little cheeks for no absolute reason. Maybe, this is the phase when they actually can't communicate properly, with their language confined to only single syllable words. It must be the exasperation to vent their feelings, that it just turns out to be those salty tears.
Last week, when my younger one was in one of his worst moods, so was mine(owing to Mother nature). It was a gloomy day, when he wasn't just eating right, and constantly crying without reason. Finally in the evening, I decided to treat myself to a quiet time in the library, and dropped off my hubby and kids at the fitness centre. Then, I bumped into a buddy at a coffee-shop. Was I glad to find him ? U bet! I couldn't help but break down before my friend about my "extremely-low" day, with my cranky toddler. I even admitted that I wished I was single, and was complaining about how the other girls of my age are still contemplating on marriage, while my life is completely revolved around diapers, medicines, and toys ! The only soothing effect I got from my buddy "The grass is always greener on the other side!" How true indeed !! That was the moment I realized that my older one had also passed this terrible stage of a cranky toddlerhood, who is now a very quiet pre-schooler. In fact, I realized I made a terrible mistake, trying to think of running away from the responsibility of being a mom. Isn't it true that God made mothers, because he couldn't be everywhere at all times? Well, i believe that! Atleast, when I see these helpless, little bundles of joy.
My mom used to advice me that motherhood is the toughest phase and also the sweetest one too. A woman should be entirely ready to be a mom, otherwise it's the children who have to suffer ( And to think, moms think they are suffering !!)
Life's lows can be melted down definitely, but running away is definitely not the solution. Now, I smile to myself with the thought, "When the rest of the girls of my age are busy changing diapers, I will be FREE !!" hehehe...
Bye bye blue !!
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
The highs and lows of a mommy's mind
Every day, as a part of unwinding my routine, I try to introspect my daily schedule. Trust me, its a conglomeration of some really crazy stuff with my kids.
The day kick starts with Tej wailing and pleading me not to send him to school.The early morning waking-up time is a big battle, to be fought every other day.Thats when I get tempted to actually get him back and tuck into the bed along with him. But, not to set a bad example, I have never actually allowed him to "bunk" school, atleast to-date. Thankfully, the tantrum stays until his bath, and then he is as fit as a pumpkin to attend his pre-kindergarten. "School is fun" is what he declares finally , and gives a tight hug and kiss to me and his younger brother (who is now wailing to go to school, though he is still 2), and rushes off to his school. Hmmmm, life's little ironies ,.... you just want those things which you are forbidden the most. I feel a bit relieved , with my elder one gone to school , and having only one child vying for my attention. Anuj cries for a moment that he is left out, but eventually comes to terms with his favourite "Dora the Explorer". He gives the cartoon a hug and kiss and continues to watch it for a while. Now is the time for my "orkutting" , along with a big mug of Milo(yeah, Milo is the secret of my energy, LOL ) My mind is the most relaxed at this particular moment, with me kicking my legs off the computer desk , gulping my huge mug of Calcium-intake.
Then goes the same old routine , with Anuj's shower , followed by mine, and then the cooking. In the meanwhile , as a part of entertaining my younger one , I take him out for a short walk. At this moment, my mind is actually rushing. I keep looking at the watch, only to realise that I have only a few moments with Mother Nature , before i resume my chef's duties. I feel pity for myself for not having to enjoy the nature , while Anuj is cheerfully waving at the birds in the garden. My entire focus remains on what to cook , as my elder one comes home so much famished that he acts as if he came from the country of Somalia. At this moment, my mind is just closed , not opening to the morning gossip of the other ladies in the community. I barely manage to say a Hi to anyone who passes me, because I know I would be a terrible company at that point.
Lunch-time arrives with both my husband and Tej coming back from their respective work-places. My elder one, who has a wonderful sense of smell, tries to guess exactly as to what I cooked for lunch.Thats when I feel very much satiated with my culinary skills. After all, all my cooking skills are honed to be better only for my family, right ?
He comes back with his school-work, and tries to animatedly explain what he did for that day at his school. I get a sense of exhilaration, when he explains everything in detail , his likes and dislikes, and the various things he did with his friends. It gives me a sense of deja-vu ,with my school days seeming to rekindle as my son gets excited about his school fun.
Post-lunch, I suddenly get this low mood-swing , and sometimes or more often crib that my entire day is just revolved in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning and doing all the odd jobs. My husband actually gets perplexed, with my mixed feelings, because until then, I was this dutiful housewife, and the next moment, I behave like a cranky teenager missing her mom terribly. He tries to explain that it might be because of constant work with the kids, but nothing would actually help me. It's the lowest phase of my mind in any particular day. Luckily for him, he has meetings to attend in the afternoon, so would just rush off to his haven(spelt office, because of my tantrums). By that time, I would feel better, and then try to spend some time again with my darling kiddos, who are actually busy snatching things from each other.
A little while later, when the kids are in their nap-time, this is the time when my mind actually goes a bit relaxed again. I try to browse or chat up or catch up a movie. I love this part of the day, when I am more to myself. Another high in my day.
These days, as a part of our fitness freak regime, me and my husband have enrolled ourselves into the nearby fitness center. The plus point being, the kids get to enjoy in the kids' club attached with the gym, while we parents sweat our calories out ! There are various sessions going on, like Yoga, Salsa moves, Pilates , etc..through which our work-outs are just being more enjoyable. By this time, I convince myself that am doing pretty well with my routine, giving myself some commendable time, despite having two kids and a crazy routine. I definitely like this part of the day, and am looking forward to it each day.
Then follows the dinner and the sleep-time routine. In the meanwhile, both my kids dash into their room and come out with their crayons and play-dohs and ask their Dad to play with them., with their soulful, large eyes. That's the time I love them the most, when they tend to bond with their adult-male company, and keep yelling to me that they are indeed having FUN. Oh, how I love their funny expressions, when they goof-up with their Papa dearest. At this moment, I feel very much wonderful and love these precious moments of being a parent. Presently , my younger one has become one loyal disciple to his elder brother, and try to repeat and imbibe his role model. He keeps reading all the alphabets and numbers out of nowhere, and that's when I feel more responsible to make them a future Oxford or a Harvard students. Long time ?? Naah....time's just flying.
Finally, as I lay in my bed, next to my husband and my darling kiddos,...I realize that "Life is indeed beautiful". Its all in my mind. My mind, having started out as a strict mom, to a cranky teenager, to a dutiful wife, finally needs rest and just cuddles up to my hubby dearest like a baby. Thats when my mind is finally at REST !
The day kick starts with Tej wailing and pleading me not to send him to school.The early morning waking-up time is a big battle, to be fought every other day.Thats when I get tempted to actually get him back and tuck into the bed along with him. But, not to set a bad example, I have never actually allowed him to "bunk" school, atleast to-date. Thankfully, the tantrum stays until his bath, and then he is as fit as a pumpkin to attend his pre-kindergarten. "School is fun" is what he declares finally , and gives a tight hug and kiss to me and his younger brother (who is now wailing to go to school, though he is still 2), and rushes off to his school. Hmmmm, life's little ironies ,.... you just want those things which you are forbidden the most. I feel a bit relieved , with my elder one gone to school , and having only one child vying for my attention. Anuj cries for a moment that he is left out, but eventually comes to terms with his favourite "Dora the Explorer". He gives the cartoon a hug and kiss and continues to watch it for a while. Now is the time for my "orkutting" , along with a big mug of Milo(yeah, Milo is the secret of my energy, LOL ) My mind is the most relaxed at this particular moment, with me kicking my legs off the computer desk , gulping my huge mug of Calcium-intake.
Then goes the same old routine , with Anuj's shower , followed by mine, and then the cooking. In the meanwhile , as a part of entertaining my younger one , I take him out for a short walk. At this moment, my mind is actually rushing. I keep looking at the watch, only to realise that I have only a few moments with Mother Nature , before i resume my chef's duties. I feel pity for myself for not having to enjoy the nature , while Anuj is cheerfully waving at the birds in the garden. My entire focus remains on what to cook , as my elder one comes home so much famished that he acts as if he came from the country of Somalia. At this moment, my mind is just closed , not opening to the morning gossip of the other ladies in the community. I barely manage to say a Hi to anyone who passes me, because I know I would be a terrible company at that point.
Lunch-time arrives with both my husband and Tej coming back from their respective work-places. My elder one, who has a wonderful sense of smell, tries to guess exactly as to what I cooked for lunch.Thats when I feel very much satiated with my culinary skills. After all, all my cooking skills are honed to be better only for my family, right ?
He comes back with his school-work, and tries to animatedly explain what he did for that day at his school. I get a sense of exhilaration, when he explains everything in detail , his likes and dislikes, and the various things he did with his friends. It gives me a sense of deja-vu ,with my school days seeming to rekindle as my son gets excited about his school fun.
Post-lunch, I suddenly get this low mood-swing , and sometimes or more often crib that my entire day is just revolved in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning and doing all the odd jobs. My husband actually gets perplexed, with my mixed feelings, because until then, I was this dutiful housewife, and the next moment, I behave like a cranky teenager missing her mom terribly. He tries to explain that it might be because of constant work with the kids, but nothing would actually help me. It's the lowest phase of my mind in any particular day. Luckily for him, he has meetings to attend in the afternoon, so would just rush off to his haven(spelt office, because of my tantrums). By that time, I would feel better, and then try to spend some time again with my darling kiddos, who are actually busy snatching things from each other.
A little while later, when the kids are in their nap-time, this is the time when my mind actually goes a bit relaxed again. I try to browse or chat up or catch up a movie. I love this part of the day, when I am more to myself. Another high in my day.
These days, as a part of our fitness freak regime, me and my husband have enrolled ourselves into the nearby fitness center. The plus point being, the kids get to enjoy in the kids' club attached with the gym, while we parents sweat our calories out ! There are various sessions going on, like Yoga, Salsa moves, Pilates , etc..through which our work-outs are just being more enjoyable. By this time, I convince myself that am doing pretty well with my routine, giving myself some commendable time, despite having two kids and a crazy routine. I definitely like this part of the day, and am looking forward to it each day.
Then follows the dinner and the sleep-time routine. In the meanwhile, both my kids dash into their room and come out with their crayons and play-dohs and ask their Dad to play with them., with their soulful, large eyes. That's the time I love them the most, when they tend to bond with their adult-male company, and keep yelling to me that they are indeed having FUN. Oh, how I love their funny expressions, when they goof-up with their Papa dearest. At this moment, I feel very much wonderful and love these precious moments of being a parent. Presently , my younger one has become one loyal disciple to his elder brother, and try to repeat and imbibe his role model. He keeps reading all the alphabets and numbers out of nowhere, and that's when I feel more responsible to make them a future Oxford or a Harvard students. Long time ?? Naah....time's just flying.
Finally, as I lay in my bed, next to my husband and my darling kiddos,...I realize that "Life is indeed beautiful". Its all in my mind. My mind, having started out as a strict mom, to a cranky teenager, to a dutiful wife, finally needs rest and just cuddles up to my hubby dearest like a baby. Thats when my mind is finally at REST !
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Post-partum blues
Life's been really a rollercoaster of a ride for the past 4 and a change years . As i look back , there are so many bitter-sweet memories , as i continue to raise my 2 little sons.
Lets rewind my life to 2004. The year of my first son...the year of my introduction to motherhood...the year which completely changed my perspective of life .
My first pregnancy has been a dream of sorts...no complications at all , no medical problems too. The only hitch we encountered was that i was carrying a huge baby...way too huge for my height...which only resulted in a Caesaran section operation.
We welcomed Tej on a special leap year date , Feb 29th . The entire family was ecstatic about our little prince's arrival . Daddy dearest was just beside me when i gave birth to my first born...and trust me, I cannot forget that moment for anything in this world.
I have been reading about post-partum blues a lot on the internet and the maternity books...but nothing could have prepared me better than the live baby in my hands....the hands-on experience is something which cannot be derived from books or any other source of medium. Little teju wasnt that little as he had to be.....be it his hunger or his cries . His favourite time of play during the first few months was ...hold ur breath ....nighttime !! By the end of 1 month, i was half-convinced that i wouldnt get anymore of a good night's sleep in my entire lifetime ...thanks to the nocturnal activities of my new-born. And u might be wondering what the activities consisted of ...Well, there were many to name ....crying ,crying and more crying . The "more crying" was from me ,of course.....sometimes breaking down due to the lack of proper sleep. But our dearest little devil (i stopped calling him angel....for a month or so...due to his day-time sleep routine)was relentless with his sleep regime. Life was seeming very tiring for the first 3 months and the dark circles around my eyes only made me feel sad whenever i looked at my image . I just thought i was the only mom in the entire world who is already tired of her baby within 3 months....realizing later that it was a welcome to the world of post-partum depression....which would be overcome soon.
But then , life , as i said ...has been a roller-coaster for me .....I've seen all the lows in the first 3 months....now was the time for some high. Tej slowly started to realize that it wasnt fair on his part to sleep in the daytime and wail down his lungs when the rest of the world is fast asleep. He slowly but surely got the message of proper sleeping patterns. In fact , the first night when he slept off undisturbed for a stretch of 6 hours.... i just couldnt catch my sleep with an elated feeling that he was actually not wailing.It was definitely some kind of achievement .
But that was just a beginning . Teju was slowly becoming to what he was actually born, an angel !! He never troubled with his nocturnal activities in his forthcoming months .....but i have to add that the person who took most advantage of this was his Dad....bcoz teju and me joined my husband in singapore when he was 4 months old . Do i have to say anything else? Lucky chap ...my hubby !! Huh....
Other than the sleep regime...which anyway teju overcame surely...there was very little trouble from the little brat during the first few months . I was slowly getting used to his food habits . My entire day was revolved around sticky bibs , smelly diapers and noisy burps, sterilising the bottles and shopping only for baby food. My entire perspective on shopping changed where we barely managed to spend not more than 15 mins in any shop. Earlier, there used to be hours of window shopping ....but after the baby,...we were taught to be more practical and time-bound.
Our second-born was anyway a pleasant shock for us...to be born as a boy ...when we were expecting a girl all the while . Well, since he belongs to the family anyway ...not breaking the family tradition , Anuj too dutifully followed his elder brother's footsteps...or shall i say "sleepsteps" in an exactly similar fashion . But , since experience helps a person ,..i wasnt entirely shocked with his nighttime anti-sleep routine. The entire family was prepared for the wailing baby during the night. But Anuj wasnt giving us too much trouble as anticipated ...or maybe we just got too much used to it. However , when i went back to my husband with two kids...one being an infant and the other a toddler....life's never been busier.
The entire routine just seemed to get doubled . I read somewhere that "Painting a wall is as good as giving birth to twins...you think its over and then u need to start it all over again !!" Hehehe...and i was exactly feeling the same. Though my kids werent twins...it was as good as that . Thanks to my husband erratic office schedules , I had the entire day with 2 angels(come on, i cant constantly call them "little devils" ....setting a bad example ) and the attention they demand was much too overwhelming.
However , second time is always the easier . I already had a fair idea of the do's and dont's and seemed to relax a bit during times of panic too., very much unlike the first time when i used to run to the doctor even when Teju barely sneezed .
Babies wouldnt give you any time for yourself. No, am not exaggerating. Its just that these little bundles of joy come down to the earth so helplessly....and so full of warmth...you just dont try to find time for yourself.... Your entire focus is the baby. Your entire discussion is the baby. Your entire world is the baby. You suddenly find yourself pushed into the mommies world of playgrounds, nutrition and even the tabboo topic of mothers-in-law....No kidding , sometimes moms get so overwhelmed with the entire thing of motherhood...its only the poor mother-in-law who is the hot topic of discussion among distressed "bahus".... Am i trying to make it a "Baa, Bahoo aur Baby?" hehe... Never mind... ! After all....moms need some entertainment too...whattssay mommies ???
Motherhood has given me a truckload of patience .But yeah...as a human..i do have my highs and lows.....but then..as i started on , Life's a rollercoaster and am definitely enjoying the ride.
So lets say "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!"
Lets rewind my life to 2004. The year of my first son...the year of my introduction to motherhood...the year which completely changed my perspective of life .
My first pregnancy has been a dream of sorts...no complications at all , no medical problems too. The only hitch we encountered was that i was carrying a huge baby...way too huge for my height...which only resulted in a Caesaran section operation.
We welcomed Tej on a special leap year date , Feb 29th . The entire family was ecstatic about our little prince's arrival . Daddy dearest was just beside me when i gave birth to my first born...and trust me, I cannot forget that moment for anything in this world.
I have been reading about post-partum blues a lot on the internet and the maternity books...but nothing could have prepared me better than the live baby in my hands....the hands-on experience is something which cannot be derived from books or any other source of medium. Little teju wasnt that little as he had to be.....be it his hunger or his cries . His favourite time of play during the first few months was ...hold ur breath ....nighttime !! By the end of 1 month, i was half-convinced that i wouldnt get anymore of a good night's sleep in my entire lifetime ...thanks to the nocturnal activities of my new-born. And u might be wondering what the activities consisted of ...Well, there were many to name ....crying ,crying and more crying . The "more crying" was from me ,of course.....sometimes breaking down due to the lack of proper sleep. But our dearest little devil (i stopped calling him angel....for a month or so...due to his day-time sleep routine)was relentless with his sleep regime. Life was seeming very tiring for the first 3 months and the dark circles around my eyes only made me feel sad whenever i looked at my image . I just thought i was the only mom in the entire world who is already tired of her baby within 3 months....realizing later that it was a welcome to the world of post-partum depression....which would be overcome soon.
But then , life , as i said ...has been a roller-coaster for me .....I've seen all the lows in the first 3 months....now was the time for some high. Tej slowly started to realize that it wasnt fair on his part to sleep in the daytime and wail down his lungs when the rest of the world is fast asleep. He slowly but surely got the message of proper sleeping patterns. In fact , the first night when he slept off undisturbed for a stretch of 6 hours.... i just couldnt catch my sleep with an elated feeling that he was actually not wailing.It was definitely some kind of achievement .
But that was just a beginning . Teju was slowly becoming to what he was actually born, an angel !! He never troubled with his nocturnal activities in his forthcoming months .....but i have to add that the person who took most advantage of this was his Dad....bcoz teju and me joined my husband in singapore when he was 4 months old . Do i have to say anything else? Lucky chap ...my hubby !! Huh....
Other than the sleep regime...which anyway teju overcame surely...there was very little trouble from the little brat during the first few months . I was slowly getting used to his food habits . My entire day was revolved around sticky bibs , smelly diapers and noisy burps, sterilising the bottles and shopping only for baby food. My entire perspective on shopping changed where we barely managed to spend not more than 15 mins in any shop. Earlier, there used to be hours of window shopping ....but after the baby,...we were taught to be more practical and time-bound.
Our second-born was anyway a pleasant shock for us...to be born as a boy ...when we were expecting a girl all the while . Well, since he belongs to the family anyway ...not breaking the family tradition , Anuj too dutifully followed his elder brother's footsteps...or shall i say "sleepsteps" in an exactly similar fashion . But , since experience helps a person ,..i wasnt entirely shocked with his nighttime anti-sleep routine. The entire family was prepared for the wailing baby during the night. But Anuj wasnt giving us too much trouble as anticipated ...or maybe we just got too much used to it. However , when i went back to my husband with two kids...one being an infant and the other a toddler....life's never been busier.
The entire routine just seemed to get doubled . I read somewhere that "Painting a wall is as good as giving birth to twins...you think its over and then u need to start it all over again !!" Hehehe...and i was exactly feeling the same. Though my kids werent twins...it was as good as that . Thanks to my husband erratic office schedules , I had the entire day with 2 angels(come on, i cant constantly call them "little devils" ....setting a bad example ) and the attention they demand was much too overwhelming.
However , second time is always the easier . I already had a fair idea of the do's and dont's and seemed to relax a bit during times of panic too., very much unlike the first time when i used to run to the doctor even when Teju barely sneezed .
Babies wouldnt give you any time for yourself. No, am not exaggerating. Its just that these little bundles of joy come down to the earth so helplessly....and so full of warmth...you just dont try to find time for yourself.... Your entire focus is the baby. Your entire discussion is the baby. Your entire world is the baby. You suddenly find yourself pushed into the mommies world of playgrounds, nutrition and even the tabboo topic of mothers-in-law....No kidding , sometimes moms get so overwhelmed with the entire thing of motherhood...its only the poor mother-in-law who is the hot topic of discussion among distressed "bahus".... Am i trying to make it a "Baa, Bahoo aur Baby?" hehe... Never mind... ! After all....moms need some entertainment too...whattssay mommies ???
Motherhood has given me a truckload of patience .But yeah...as a human..i do have my highs and lows.....but then..as i started on , Life's a rollercoaster and am definitely enjoying the ride.
So lets say "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!"
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